One of the main reasons I left my job was because I didn’t like the person I was becoming. Since I had just celebrated my 40th call it a midlife crisis. I was keenly aware that my sense of self was faltering and no one owns that except me. So in my next chapter of life what were they key things I wanted to avoid that brought me to that point?
Balance – I needed to learn how to better participate in all aspects of life and create a mix that included all of the components. As a result, my relationships with my family and friends were suffering and at work I was becoming more impatient and harsher in my interactions which is the opposite of my personality. I was watching my regrets mount quickly by being too singularly focused on my career.
Being present – Rarely (ok, never) was I fully engaged in the current moment because in my head I was either focused on what was coming next, replaying the prior moment in my head to critique what I should have done differently, or checking the non-stop emails pouring in. On a good day I was maybe 47% engaged in the current moment. I absolutely have to be able to manage and prioritize the never ending demands so that I don’t neglect any pieces of my life and I am focused on is important and done well.
Excitement for the day – I came to a point where rarely bounced out of bed eager to tackle the day, feeling energized, and excited. Instead I would immediately begin counting the hours until the day ended. I lived for Friday even if most of my weekends were still spent in front of my computer (of course in yoga pants and an early glass of wine). On Sundays I began dreading Monday. This was making me into a person that was not the best version of me in any parts of my life. At one point my dad said something to me that has never left me: “Kerri, you need to stop wishing your life away because one day it will be gone and you will want all these days back.” That was one of my early moments of realizing I needed to change something but it would be a few more years before I was ready to make the change.
These are the 3 biggest items that gnawed me at each day of my life and I want to to ensure that I do not fall back into those old habits. Frankly, this list could be a bit longer but for the sake of my self-respect I am going to move on right now.
And Then She Breathed 